on the panda trail!: April 2005

on the panda trail!

on the panda trail!

Well, things are ok. I'm getting good grades, I still have a good sum of money in my account, I'm now eligible for my health care card again, and I'm making friends at uni. Something is off though. No, it's not the "I've reached my goal and I dunno what the fuck to do next". I think it's the fact that I come back to my little dwelling, mundanely decide to do random things like read web comics, do research or watch TV, and realise that there's nobody in the world that is thinking about me.
Yeah, I know the stupid old saying that somewhere, someone dreams of your smile.. It's crap. Jesse wants to be away from me, my family have tonnes of shit to worry about aside from me, and my old friends hate me. Hayley, the only one who has stuck by me through thick and thin, cares about me, but she has lots on too and she can't spend her time worrying about my frivolous problems. Not that they really are problems. And that's the part that I can't work out- where is this calm depression coming from?
I am pretty sure that when I emerge a butterfly from the end of this course that some solid design firm is going to accept me, and I'll slowly build up my medium profile career that I'm opting for.

But I am so scared of being alone. And that's saying something for an introvert.

Up the roller coaster again

on the panda trail!

Well, at least I only have this drawing assigment to do. I've done two, three to go. Just structural drawings of "a geometric configuration". Funny huh.

The other two assigments are due in two weeks, So it's ok. Tonight I get my drawings done and rest. No more. Tomorrow I will get the materials I need for my studio project and work on my spirographs Friday night.

If I sweep most of these two projects away this week, I'll have plenty of time the following week to do the same for the next incoming.

I think I'm a little happier today because a) I got more than double the amount of pay from leaving work that I expected ($530), b) My scholarship cheque will be in the mail next Friday, c) I got a 74 on my pattern design, a nice leap from 60 on my icon design, and d) I have Bounty Pods

I should go well on my chess pieces. They were pretty cool. I start getting more distinctions I'll be fine. I was too much on the border of getting a pass and being broke before so I was freaking out.

Hopefully, things will stay stable until I can get myself organised and be able to cope with horrific blows to my lifestyle.