on the panda trail!: March 2005

Just when I think I've got a hold on things...

on the panda trail!

Life really likes to fuck people up the arse hard, doesn't it? It gives you a break and you think "Oh yep, I can do this". Then you lose your job. And Vicroads sends you a bill for $500.00 for fucking car rego. And you've got an overdue $250 electricity bill looming. Not to mention a parking fine to which there has been no response yet for contestment because the half witted parking inspector put the fine over your permit..

FUCKING GREAT.

Fuck me til I bleed to death, life, please.

Fuck the world

on the panda trail!
Fuck finance
Fuck living here
Fuck working
Fuck people
Fuck study
Fuck everything
Spare yourself. It's easier to get it over and done with now than to keep going. Because, as Homer once said "trying is the first step towards failure."

Financial burden kills me

on the panda trail!

I think that the thing that I most depsise in life is financial trouble. not because it's just uncomfortable for me but because I've been there before and wish to not do so again. my family was always behind and we've had to live in some extremely bad conditions to get through it. By that I don't just mean aesthetically, but below living standards. Not fun.

I've got a $250 electricity bill, $30 phone bill (thank god that's small), and I just got a parking fine unfairly, which I will dispute to the death but who knows.

Centrelink do not think that I am independant enough (ie, had to have earnt 16000 in a 18 month period) so I get half the amount I was expecting off them. C@nts.

I won't be feeling so cheery until I at least start getting SOME money off Centrelink. Right now I'm getting 200 per fortnight from work and it's not enough to live on.

I hate Centrelink so much.

Rebirth of my design skills

on the panda trail!

I think I was born to do it... Born to design, analyse and create. Give me an idea and I will be away with it before you can say bob's your uncle. I started a folio for uni on the properties of marshmallows. I've been on it since 1.30 and I didn't stop until 6.30, realised how much time had gone by and ate food. Then went back at it from 7.30 to 8.30. I got to 20 pages. It's an awesome start.

Creation never felt so good... I thought I'd have trouble getting back into it after all this time but I think that I am more inspired and more crazy now. Feeling a lot like a racehorse in a booth ready to take off every time I get an idea!

I think the major difference between uni and school is direction. I've been given a topic, a skeleton to build my project on, and access to all the materials I need (provided I pay for them which is one restriction)

I'd better stop myself now and get packed up and ready for tomorrow's studio.
:D

A good night's sleep and still bitter

on the panda trail!
There was a long pause before starting to type here. I think I'll make this short as I have a drawing studio at 8.30.

A friend of mine's ex has found some fluff on the side. Good. But my friend felt jealous and chucked a fit. While it was a shitty thing that had happened to her as she had to move out of there (was temporarily staying there because she stacked her car and had to get to work), it is the best thing that could have happened for both of them. It set the boundary and I wish them both well in moving on.

Now that's the philosophical and logical me...

The emotioinal me became very insecure at the fact that this goes on and I had realised that my behaviour towards Jesse lately was extrememly unfounded and he didn't deserve it. I had a lot to say last night and I didn't get to say it. It's true what they say, the opposite to love is not hate, but ignorance and indifference.

Well I feel like the window has gone. I just feel sour and bitter that I got ignored and I am looking forward to going home to yea and just emptying my mind of all the sickly green goo that has been poisoning it (and replacing it with a few alcoholic beverages).

Hopefully this drawing studio will pick me up a bit. I love to draw from life.

Puritan? Or not?

on the panda trail!
These results just in...

My Purity Report - Compared to Others