twiddling my thumbs and pissed off

on the panda trail!
Hi people,

I promised myself that I'd do solid work today. I said I wouldn't sign into MSN messenger. I tell you what it's BLOODY HARD WHEN ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TWIDDLE YOUR THUMBS!!!
I could be good. I could do work for seven hours straight with the occasional break for a frothy hot chocolate. But there's no work. So instead I write in my blog, download the occasional thing and talk to Jesse. I actually vowed not to sign in today because I have the sh!ts with him. I don't ever imagine him reading this blog so it doesn't really matter what the hell I write here.
I'm conflicted inside. I hate things going wrong for other people. It makes me feel good to see people who feel like I've helped them get some clarity. It's just me, I love helping people. It makes me extremely uncomfortable watching people fumble, especially after f@cking flat out telling them how to help themselves. I get the shits with people when they don't take my advice, and I don't think it's because I feel insulted but because I am able to see how people will f@ck themselves up and I offer solutions. When they don't take them I know I'll be able to just sigh and say "I told you so" whenever it happens, not to be a smart @rse but because I really knew it was going to happen. This happens with Jesse ALL THE TIME. It shits me.
I am conflicted because I don't know if I reserve the right to be sh!tty about it.
I feel like I do. I'm not personally angry about it but it does make me so frustrated generally. I seriously feel like breaking something.It's so frustrating when people don't listen, I mean how hard is it?
Actually, I think it's because I don't get a justification as to why he won't listen. If he had another plan, or atleast some extremely vague direction that seems half logical then I think I would be ok. This happens with mates as well. They don't listen and they fuck up. End up cheating on their partners. End up at the doctor getting a pap smear from unprotected sex.

I mean, c'mon, am I crazy? How hard is it to save yourself? It's not! Listen to those close to you and maybe you might get somewhere. (that's a general toward my people, not directed at you guys!)